Habit

It’s been a long time since the last time I evaluated my habit.. probably almost 3 years ago. At the end of 2017, I was crafting my thesis for my Master degree, at my mid thirties, at the same time I was also struggling at the toughest and bitter personal life situation. In short, time was at much more valuable than gold at that time, since I must completed the thesis asap and also give a big chunk of my time and energy to settle everything (which understatemently in its chaotic state), and also find money to bring bread at home, school fee and other neccesities. I felt constantly run out of time.

So, I evaluated my habit. I found that my screen time was pathetic. I could wake up at 5 a.m. and the first thing I did was reached out my phone to browse the Facebook. And you do know how time is in the lightspeed when we are in our socmed mode.

So I cut it off. I resigned from my Facebook. And yes I completed the thesis in time.

So now, I want to evaluate my other habit. I am a chronic perfectionist. I wish every time I do a project ,big or small, I want the result to be perfect.

So, what happens when someone is a chronic perfectionist? Well… She is a harsh commentator of self, criticize her self more than enough, and lack of persistence to do new habit in daily manner. For example, I need to exercise and write regularly.. but since the exercise did not shape the body soon enough and often the writing ideas just not ‘perfect’ enough, combined with a regular dose of self criticism, I just abandon the exercise and writing schedule.

Last two weeks, I am re-doing MOOCs in Coursera. I took a lot of classes ( which is a bad move actually, if you want to successfully learn via MOOCs, do not over-do it). So there’s a particular class I found interesting, but after a week I feel this online class was not really motivate me to complete the whole course. Each video could up to 20 minutes long, the Prof. Seems nice but I often think he was not doing much to make his class interesting and motivating. So for the last three days I am thinking to drop out or not from this class. See I need three days to think about this miniscule matter!… Even in an online world I want to be that perfect student even when I don’t like the course. Sigh…

So.. I want to end this chronic perfectionist habit, I want to quit the class I don’t find interesting anymore. I will learn other subject unknown to me, just to fail because there is no such thing as a wasted learning.

Cheers, RirinKoko.

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